I keep getting almost daily reminders of why I choose not to participate in many online discussion forums anymore.
As I have stated in the past, I just do not find much in common with the vast majority of people involved in wahtever discussions are being had on said forums. A lot of this is due to the fact that, yes, my views often conflict with what is considered the status quo. And I believe it is that status quo, the groupthink, or the 'accepted' definition of this or that, which makes my teeth hurt and makes me envision opening up the top of my head and scooping out whatever brain cells that will remember reading some of the things I've seen.
Truthfully, I do not get a lot of what I see or read. Not meaning comprehension, in which case I do very well comprehend what is being said, I just don't understand what passes for logic that promotes a lot of what I read or see. Personally, I find that people have far to many stupid ideas about what is what or how things work. And the sad part is that because of groupthink and trying to fit in with whatever clique seems to be in charge of whatever group, some really bullshit ideas get perpetuated and anythign that runs counter to that "standard" gets jumped on with alarming frequency.
Now, I can't stand any sort of elitism. Never have been one to fit in with any crowd in particular in any case and much prefer to be off in my own world so to speak, but I think a lot of what goes on with discussion groups, and groups in genreal as it pertains to anything M/s or BDSM in general does effect the whole and does not stay confined to just the group that it comes from.
Now I may not be the most open minded person in the world, but I do accept that people may have different views than I have. It's just human nature. I just don't have to agree with these other views. But there are times when the overwhelming level of stupidity just makes my eyes roll into the back of my head so much and so often I think my eyes are going to burst just from the strain.
Case in point. Fetlife is a very good and unique site for what it offers. I do think it goes to far at times in the whole freedom of expression and open minded open arms type of thing. To me, not everyone deserves to have a say or to have their voice heard if that voice is used to promote erroroneous thought and philosophy. Despite common accepted thought, not everyones thoughts and opinions are just as valid as the next persons. A little bit of knowledge on a subject a person is spouting off on would be helpful in this case.
But on to the point. There is a group there, which I have left recently becasue I just had nothign in common with them despite the title and goals of the group, devoted to those who are of a kinky mindset and a polyamorous mindset. Now, the thing I want to point out is that the group is stated to basically be not one or the other, but both. Now granted kinky is a loaded term that can mean a lot of things. However, there is a general consensus on a site like Fetlife of what that entails and what is covered under that.
On a recent thread in which a girl had something to say about her D/s and poly relationship where prospective partners had to be screened and vetted by the primary dominant partner. Her concern was that after speaking with people, they seemed to refuse to take that next step and speak with the dominant about going further. Seems pretty straight forward to me.
Problem being that the vast majority of the respondants seemed to find it horrifying that in a D/s or M/s relationship that such a thing would be a requirement of the poly aspect of their relationship. Most of them having a "how dare he" sort of tone to them. One of which going so far as to make the assertion that the dominant in question was trying through that to make the other people submit to him through this.
Really. Are these people fucking serious? If you do not understand how a dynamic works, in this case a dominant and submissive relationship with tones of poly into it, if its not asking questions to further your understanding, shut the fuck up with your ill informed unknowledgable opinions. Seriously. I don't know a damn thing about the engine of a car, so I do try to avoid telling the mechanic that fixes them on a day to day basis that how dare he try and tell me that it's the transmission when in my opinion its not.
If you do not understand something, learn (or at least make an attempt), or keep your mouth shut and not spout off rants about something you know nothing about. I totally understand the dominant in the relationships stance in this matter. In a committed power exchange relationship, just because you add poly into the mix does not mean that certain things are tossed out the window.
I'm a dominant myself. In a relationship. It is well within my purview to institute such restrictions on my own relationship if I saw a need or desired. One, because that is part of the job description. I look out for and protect as best as I can. Two, that is kinda how the dynamic works. If I am not the ultimate authority (when applicable) of just about everything in the relationship then something has gone astray. I just do not feel the need to do so in obvious ways most of the time. I excercise my will differently.
The thing is , I personally do not feel a need to involve myself in that sort of descision when it comes to chel's other relationships at the moment. She is an adult. And while I could, I don't becasue I trust in her adult judgement and know that her views on thing sof this nature are similar enough to mine not to cause much of an issue. That being said, I'm quite sure she knows and understands that if I ever felt a genuine need to step in at some point, I would. She may not altogether appreciate it, but she would understand why.
That and I have no need to exert authority or power for granstanding or ego purposes. Just not in me. How people see me has no impact on me. But that is what people need to understand. In a general poly relationship, yeah having ot ask the primary for permission is a little out there. But when you add in the dominant and submissive dynamic into it, it's not only acceptable in general, it is just how things work. And it really has less to do with respect of my relationship and status than it does with safety. I'm by far the nicest person in the world in general, especially when it comes to protecting someone I care about. I'm not someone you want to get on the bad side of. I'm a sadist after all and one who is very imaginative and knows where to hide the bodies.
Point being, if you are not in a D/s relationship, and/or never have been in one, you really cannot speak about or cast dispersions on the way someones relationship works if they are in one. You're jsut speaking about things you don't know a damn thing about. And it just reinforces my own personal belief that you're an idiot who needs to put that high horse back into the stable and leave it alone for a while.
What you have works for you, what they have works for them. For fucks sake stop trying to put your morals and beliefs onto other peoples relationships. Its bad enough that forums and discussion grouips are filled will elitest cliques who seem to think they get to deciede what is right and what isn't, and what relationship is valid and true and what isn't. No need to add talking out your ass to the mix any more than nescessary.
But then again it is the internet so that is probably not going to change much. Ever.
Some people are just to stupid to own computers.