Dominant Traits/Needs Pt. 1

                I’ve been thinking quite a bit about certain things as of late. A lot of it has to do with some of the books I’ve been starting to reread, and part of it has to do with other thoughts swirling into my head.

                Now over the years, as well as a few lately, I have seen quite a few lists, thesis, etc. on what purports to be the ‘Qualities of a Dominant’ or something to that effect.  There are a variety of titles to such things, but in the end they all seem to fall into one of two categories. (With full disclosure some do seem to be more genuine).

                These two categories are A: Overly idealistic prose written by submissives that overly romanticizes and idealizes what a dominant apparently should be. The problem with these types of things is that they tend to be almost purely fantasy and written in such a way that there are no way the vast majority of dominant types could possibly live up to these lists. These are the white knights in shining armor.

                The second type is the ones written by dominant types (and with a lot of what I have seen I do use that term in the loosest sense).  While they do tend to contain a lot of the same elements that those written by submissives have, they tend to however be less romanticized in their writing. Unfortunately, the problem with most of these as well is that they also tend to be unrealistic, but more than that, there is this underlying current within them that says something to the effect of ‘I the dominant writing this have all of these qualities’. If it is realistic and feasible, there is nothing with that sort of undertone. But like I said, most of these seem unrealistic and overly idealized.

                I prefer to live within reality. I will however say this much, as far as these types of lists or essays go these are admirable qualities to look up to and to strive towards.  Everyone should strive to improve themselves and to be honest these lists are something that should be worked towards. Fulfilling them however is another thing.

                I have thought about this a lot, and I think I have come up with a list of my own that more fits what in my opinion is a more reality based type of thing.  So is my list of qualitiesque things that a dominant should possess to be successful in their role and place in their chosen lifestyle.  Probably a work in progress that I’ll expand upon from time to time.

#1 Control

                A dominant should be in control. And I’m not talking about control of a submissive (as that comes later) but in control of themselves and their lives.  To be on control of someone else, you need to be in control of yourself and have your life, your feelings, your emotions and social interactions worked out beforehand.  Master yourself before you master anyone else.

                To be blunt, the wellbeing, both emotionally and physically, not to mention the growth of a submissive or a slave is dependent on the dominant being able to keep a certain equilibrium within themselves. Reacting badly to some situations can be severely damaging to this sort of relationship, so a dominant needs to be in control of themselves enough to be able to choose how they react, and to be able to choose the correct reaction.

#2 Confidence

                This should be somewhat self-explanatory. A dominant needs confidence. In themselves, in their abilities and in who/what they are. That isn’t to say that this needs to be to the point of an overblown ego, but they do need to be confident in what it is they do.

                And part of this is being confident in the skills they have, the tools they use, and the methods that they employ. A lot of this comes from experience. The sort of been there, done that enough to know what the hell I’m doing, type of thing.

                I’ve heard a lot of people refer to this as kind of an aura or something that the dominant seems to project around them. Confidence ties into control and in fact quite a few other things as well. If a person is confident, and proud of who and what they are it shows in their bearing, their actions, and their words.

#3 Ethics

                This is a difficult one to tie down. Simply because a lot of people may equate this, and even name it something along the lines of honor, proper protocol or something similar, and truthfully, ethics does tend to be a cultural construct.

                What I mean however is being able to pretty much discern between right and wrong, fair and unfair, good and bad. A dominant needs to be very careful in this regard, and be mindful of what this entails. How a dominant interacts with submissives for example makes this integral. A dominant has to know, and be quite clear, about what is and is not ethical behavior.

                Most people know that hitting on a collared submissive is unethical, not to mention rude and sometimes very dangerous.  But ethics also has to do with ‘Do no harm’. Which has so much meaning within so many different categories it’s not even funny.   Including the most important three (in my opinion) mental, physical and emotional harm.

                And there are two phrases that I like that kind of describe my general without getting into specifics view of ethics. Leave them better off than you found them, and, Do unto others as you would have them do to you. Yes I know that last is a religious type quote, but it fits regardless even if I don’t necessarily agree with the whole organized religion thing.

#4 Knowledge

                Very important. To be blunt..again. Know what the fuck you are doing and talking about damn it. But it’s more than that. There is this feeling that to be a good dominant you have to have experienced the submissive side of things. And while this does have its merits, unless you are gay or a lesbian, you really are not going to get the full effect. Male submissives are different than female submissives. They think differently, have different motivations and different triggers. A male dominant experiencing submission himself is not going to really understand a female submissive in that sense.  But it can be a good start.

                Also however, like I said, know what you are doing. I like the example (even if I didn’t like the actual event) of how the police and military train their people on pepper spray. To understand how someone else is going to react to it, so you know how to react and deal with it, you have to be sprayed in the face.

                And in that regard I fully agree with that. Me personally I know what each and every one of my whips, crops and other items of that nature feel like at varying degrees of force. And I know how to wield them properly.

                Practice Practice Practice.

                This is important. I know how each implement feels. And because of that I have a good idea of how it’s going to feel being laid out across the bared backside of a submissive..mmmm…ahem

                This allows me to judge and gauge my actions and reactions to their reactions. Do I lessen the force, move on to another item, or continue along the path. I know what determines what and how much just slacking off on the force just a little bit will do. What impact it will have.

                Again, practice makes perfect. Preferably practice not on an actual person other than yourself if necessary.