Discusion Groups and Forums

To be honest I’m really not sure why I bother with a great deal of the discussion groups and like minded forums that I have signed up for here and there. Either I quickly grow tired of the drama and one ups-manship that seems to be prevalent in BDSM themed boards and groups or the elitism of it all quickly wears on me and I find myself banging my head on the desk or rolling my eyes.

Can’t for the life of me figure out why near every single one of them claims to be welcoming and open-minded yet is so far from being either its near pathetic. Sad really how every single group I have seen or dipped my toes into has turned into a mirror of high school cliques and other things of that nature. But I suppose that is part of human nature and I don’t know why I keep expecting the BDSM crowd to be any different or above that sort of thing. After all these are the same people who hold up Laura Antinou as this icon despite the fact that she has said several times that she wrote the books she did to make fun of the BDSM crowd (and the politics involved in such that she engaged in and was apparently woefully inadequate as she got kicked out of a few groups because of).

Hell on Fetlife the main discussions in the groups I’m in seem to be either how LDR or this other type of relationship don’t work and you’re so doing it wrong, or how for example a couple looking for a third-party is sooo not poly and has no idea what they’re doing and are just ruining it for the rest of us ‘real’ people.

*sigh*

I actually try to get involved from time to time, share some of my experiences and what I’ve been through in some hope that someone, anyone might get even a small kernel of aid in whatever it is they are going through because of it. But for fucks sake the vast majority of people involved in any of them seem to be of the type that constantly denigrate anyone and everyone else because they alone know the key to how it all works.  Where does that come from.  When did posting a bunch of crap over a period of time give anybody that sort of right to tell people who kinda thing.

Now, to be honest, while there is no one true correct all-encompassing way to engage in a BDSM relationship. That being said, there are definitely quite a few ways not to do them and just as many people who should be chased away from the rest of us semi normal people because of the crap they try to pull. Just look at 99 percent of the profiles on Collarme or even Fetlife for that matter to see things that will make a person face-palm so much they’ll tattoo a hand print on their foreheads because of it.

Not quite what I’m talking about though. More about the people who actually do have a small measure of a clue but who seem to take that little shred and run off a cliff with it. I think it may just be an online thing.
I can recall being on the Internal Enslavement forums for a while, with a girl whom I’d know for quite a few years but was just starting to get into the first steps of an actual relationship. I was in New York she was in Virginia and the plan was for arrangements after she had finished her schooling with quite a few trips back and forth in between.  What started outa s a good set of forums on not only the concepts of internal enslavement and its philosophy, but actual experiences with its implementation, denigrated into the usual elitism where making fun of an insulting people because in their minds they weren’t ‘true’ was common place. Especially anything having any sort of facet of a LDR. Hell, I was flat-out told that despite the fact of coming off a ten-year live in relationship that I had nothing to say and that none of my opinions, thoughts or experiences had any merit because my girl at the time happened to temporarily live in a different state from me.

Hell, the Collarme forums are some of the worst for that, and that’s all backed up by a small group who band together to attack anyone who disagrees with them. Ok with a small social group like munches and things of that nature (another thing I won’t touch) having a general commonality of beliefs is to be expected.  But in a discussion group and a forum, to have a small number of people dictate what is politically correct and what is not for a mass of thousands and then enforce that with coordinated shutdowns is kinda mind-boggling that people who profess open-mindedness and even say there is no right way, act in just the exact opposite.

Now admittedly, I’m far from perfect, and a lot of my views (which I’ve gained from a lifetime of experience with this and that) are not going to be very popular with the teddy bear IRAB group. Hell I roll my eyes and groan inwardly (and outwardly) at the whole submission is a gift thing, let alone how I see the vast majority of prodommes.  This aint really give and take for me, and I don’t enjoy limitations et upon me and what I can and cannot do and with who. But then again I’m always open and upfront with that so anyone trying to get into something in the hopes of changing me or changing my mind is gonna be in for a disappointment.

I’ve made to many compromises in my life for the sake of other people and their desires and mental problems to be very agreeable to that sort of situation in my curmudgeonly old age..ok not that old.
But this is why I tend to go it alone and to hell with groups and group activities. They just always seem to have an agenda to them and I aint all up for that.  If people don’t like it, they aint gotta get involved with me. Simple as that. I’m happy, they’re happy, all good.

But oddly enough, I have found that a large number of blogs I’ve come across recently are much more of what I am looking for. Real people with real experiences sharing in ways that are important to them. It’s always interesting to see and read about their perceptions of things they are going through and how they handle them.  On both sides of the fence.

On a brighter note,

Did get to talk to someone very dear to me on the phone today. Something I havent done in a long time for various reasons here and there and I had almost forgotten how much I enjoyed talking to her and how much I truly did miss her.Spent a good forty-five minutes on the phone just talking about random stuff, nothing much, but that wasn’t the point.

To get to talk to someone who has always and will always have a place in my heart no matter what occurs, that’s always a good thing. And despite situations in the past that have conspired to get in the way, who knows what the future may hold. Though I have learned long ago not to think too much on stuff like that and live in the moment so to speak.